By “Every eight weeks, a remarkable transformation takes over the Medicine cohort. Formerly confident, well-rounded individuals seem to regress, forgetting their basic communicative and social skills. Many become capable of only reciting phrases inscribed on Anki cards, reportedly sourced from an entity known as the ‘Anki King’.”
Med Students Clueless about Trimesters and Other Uni Degrees
“The university’s first-ever trimester came to a spectacular end almost two weeks ago, causing regular students to recede into their warm beds to watch hours of Netflix, acquire vitamin D deficiency and bask in the comfort of their break.”
Med Applicant Outraged After Getting Rejected from Top Medical School
“It’s not that clear cut though. Have you seen my CV? It’s simply glorious. Magnificent. Two-time Olympic gold medallist. CEO of my own billion-dollar start-up. And 2000 hours of volunteering to boot. What’s not to love?
Yet against all odds, I’m sitting out here, a diamond in the rough. I’ve got no idea what went wrong with the selection process.”
Med Student Sells Soul to Insurance Company for ‘Sick’ Water Bottle
“I mean, I figured that because I never gave them my bank details I wouldn’t get roped into anything too bad. I only gave them my name, address, date of birth, signature, driver’s license number, fingerprints and a mouth swab – you know, the usual. It’s not much to hand over when you’re given something sick in exchange. Look at it, it’s glass!”
The Unreleased Script: There is no “We” in Teamwork
PATRICE: I thought Mike’s reflection was pretty goo-
CATHY: Nobody asked you Patrice!
[PATRICE remains silent for the rest of the proceedings.]
Recent Findings: Lap of the Map Medal Pairs Well with Littmann Classic III Steth and RM Williams
“I heard she got accepted into every single undergrad university offering med, but chose UNSW just so she could attend as many times as possible.”
Young Med Student Walks Out Of Anatomy Practical Hungry and Disturbed
“I was enjoying a chicken drumstick when I unconsciously began examining the muscle fibres for sarcomeres. It’s awful, I just can’t stop studying.” (Weird flex, but okay Michelle)
Med Student Throws Away Thousands of Dollars Worth of Medical Textbooks After Watching ‘Tidying Up With Marie Kondo’
“After watching Tidying up with Marie Kondo on Netflix, I really began to muse what my ‘spark joys’ were,” said Mr Aidai, “and after flicking through all of the textbooks I bought at the beginning of the year, these simply had to be the first to go.”
Med Fresher Figuring Out How to Slip Her ATAR Into Every Conversation
A cultish obsession as old as time itself piqued the curiosity of the Jugular investigative team and our reporters sampled the experiences of med freshers regarding the stereotypical peacocking exhibited by high achievers of 2018.
Med Student Graduates Without Making Friends Because Did Not Attend Medcamp
“If only I knew earlier that the Foundies assignment did not count, I would have been able to attend Medcamp and experience what I’ve been missing all these years: the warmth of another human being… I often wonder what that feels like,” said Jarse when questioned, staring longingly at a circle of students congregated on the lawn.
