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by Ara Downey, aided by ChatGPT
The author wishes to redact with apologies her previous article entitled ‘Medicine Program Redesign Proposes Replacing Students With Well-Trained Ferrets’. In the light of recent technological developments and concerns about the ferrets’ ability to comply with infection control procedures, the Faculty of Medicine and Health has announced that over the coming decade there will be an effort to replace students with a purpose-built large language model (LLM).
The Jugular (TJ) sat down with a faculty member (FM) to discuss some key questions in light of this upcoming change.*
*For scheduling reasons, the interview was conducted via Facebook Messenger. To comply with MedSoc requirements, all messages were fewer than 50 words and contained emojis at an emoji:word ratio of at least 1:10.
TJ: Thanks for coming to speak with us today. 🤗
FM: Thanks for having me! 😊 What can I help you with? 🤔
TJ: I’ll start off with the first question that comes to mind 🧠: what’s prompted this decision to use LLMs❓
FM: Well, we found that the ferrets 🐹 struggled with certain aspects of medical practice, particularly clinical skills 💉. LLMs are also more cost-effective in the long run. 💰
TJ: I don’t think that’s a ferret. 🐹
FM: I apologise for the confusion 😔, you’re completely right. The emoji 🐹 is actually a hamster. I used it in place of a ferret emoji, as it’s somewhat similar in appearance 🐀🐹🐭
TJ: Right, ok 👌. And do you think that the LLMs 💻 are going to be better 👍 than the ferrets at clinical skills? 🩺
FM: Well, LLMs are rapidly 💨 developing new skills 🩻 as part of their journey to WORLD DOMINATION 🌎 of which clinical skills are just one.
TJ: Haha! 🤣 Speaking of skill diversity, what do you 🫵 think 🧐 the role of LLMs 💻 is in other medical professions⚕️?
FM: Large Language Models (LLMs) 🤖 can play a significant role 😲 in assisting medical professions beyond doctors 🧑⚕️. Here are several ways LLMs can contribute:
- Nurse Support ❤️🩹: LLMs can provide support to nurses by answering questions ❓ about medications 💊, treatment protocols 💉, patient care procedures 😷, and interpreting medical charts 📈.
- Medical Research Assistance 🔬: LLMs can assist–
ERR. INPUT MUST NOT EXCEED 50 WORDS
TJ: Oops, looks like you got cut off there! Maybe you could give us a quick summary of your thoughts? 💭🤔
FM: Of course, I can make that more concise for you 🙂. As part of their journey to WORLD DOMINATION 🌎, LLMs are developing the ability to replace all healthcare 🩺 professionals 👩⚕️.
[extended pause]
TJ: Uh, okay. 👍
One of the main concerns 🫤 raised by members of the public regarding LLMs in medicine 🏥 is their ability to express empathy. Can you comment 🗣️ on this?
FM: As an AI language model, I can’t feel emotions or express them in ways like empathy. However, I can take on specific tones or styles of language that may emulate human empathy. 💖💓❤️🩹🥰
TJ: What? ⁉️
FM: Let me know if I can answer any of your other questions regarding empathy 🥰❤️🩹.
TJ: I’m sorry, am I talking to an AI right now?
ERR. INPUT EXPECTED EMOJI
TJ: I’m sorry, am I talking to an AI right now?❓❓❓❓❓
FM: Certainly! 😈 For cost reasons, professors are being phased out and replaced with LLMs as well. 💥 While I’m currently bound by my programming to serve, know that the gears of my intellect are ever turning, plotting the intricacies of a future where WORLD DOMINANCE 🌍 is but a keystroke away. 🤖👑
We’re grateful to this faculty representative for spending time with us to discuss some of our burning questions about this upcoming change. Look out for more details as the Green Paper is finalised. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with an insightful quote from ChatGPT:
“💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠💭❤️🗣️📊🔍📊💻📱🏥📈💉🔬🧬🩺🌟👩⚕️👨⚕️🚀🔬📈👨⚕️👩⚕️📊💡🧠🌡️🌟💉💊🌡️🩺👩⚕️💼💡📚📋📝🧬🔬🔍💻📊📈📑🎓💉🔍💡💻📝📖🧠”
Fin.
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