“I’m just really excited to make a difference for students and do things that matter and-…Sorry gimme one second, just quickly posting this on my profile.”
Special Snowflake Med Applicant Claims He Doesn’t Even Know How Much Doctors Earn
“I just want to help people,” Clippon informed us before we even had a chance to ask him his name.
Local Hospital Deems Medical Students ‘Worse Than Hospital-Acquired Infections’
In a form of passive protest, staff toilets have now also been restricted with swipe-card-only access, forcing cardless medical students to go to the bathroom in squalor amongst the rest of the community.
Article Submission Rates to The Jugular Mysteriously Plummet a Week Before Exams
In news of yet another industry that millennials may be killing, student-run media sites find themselves scraping the bottom of the ideas bowl a week out from uni exams.
MedSoc Bookshop to Include RM William’s Signature Craftsmen Boots in “Phase 1 Essentials Package”
Whispers of including a Grey’s Anatomy boxset have been a source of added excitement amongst certain circles.
Local Med Student Buys RM Williams To Support Farmers During Drought
When asked if she also has plans to buy an Akubra hat she appeared visibly disgusted.
MedSoc Elections Suspected of Russian Interference
Late last Tuesday, candidate Ronald Tram posted on Instagram: “I’ve got some big friends from my elective in Russia. Tremendous at computers! They’ll expose phoney Hayley for what she is: A TEACHER’S PET!”
Ex-4U State Ranker Confused by Simple Multiplication When Taking Pulse
“I mean, just being able to simultaneously count beats while looking at my watch for 15 seconds made me dizzy. But then I had to calculate beats per minute and that’s when it all fell apart.”
Med Student Plans to Sleep When He’s Dead
“Yeah, maybe I have dark circles under my eyes, but that could be genetic, you don’t know. You don’t know my life.”
Lowest Ever 9AM Lecture Attendance Mysteriously Coincides with World Cup Final
The lecturer, Prof Richard Biggus, said, “No wonder this generation can’t afford to buy houses. Too busy sleeping or eating avocados.”