“I was enjoying a chicken drumstick when I unconsciously began examining the muscle fibres for sarcomeres. It’s awful, I just can’t stop studying.” (Weird flex, but okay Michelle)
Med Student Throws Away Thousands of Dollars Worth of Medical Textbooks After Watching ‘Tidying Up With Marie Kondo’
“After watching Tidying up with Marie Kondo on Netflix, I really began to muse what my ‘spark joys’ were,” said Mr Aidai, “and after flicking through all of the textbooks I bought at the beginning of the year, these simply had to be the first to go.”
Med Fresher Figuring Out How to Slip Her ATAR Into Every Conversation
A cultish obsession as old as time itself piqued the curiosity of the Jugular investigative team and our reporters sampled the experiences of med freshers regarding the stereotypical peacocking exhibited by high achievers of 2018.
Med Student Graduates Without Making Friends Because Did Not Attend Medcamp
“If only I knew earlier that the Foundies assignment did not count, I would have been able to attend Medcamp and experience what I’ve been missing all these years: the warmth of another human being… I often wonder what that feels like,” said Jarse when questioned, staring longingly at a circle of students congregated on the lawn.
Second Year Student Plans to ‘Study Harder This Year’, Misses First Week of Lectures
“My body just sort of forgets to wake up,” claims Timmy Little, a prime example of the culprits. “Today’s lectures were probably low-yield anyway.”
SportsBet Now Taking Bets For Next NSW Hospital To Be Deregistered
“Does it count as match-fixing if I bully my juniors until the department is stripped of its title?” asked a senior doctor.
Senior Staff Start Bullying Medical Students Since No Junior Doctors Left
When various heads of departments were questioned, The Jugular received remarkably similar responses along the lines of, “back in my day… tougher skins… disappointments… bullying??? Never heard of it.”
Student Still Not Really Sure What Causes Clubbing
“Look, no-one really knows but it sounds pretty slick when we say ‘Schamroth’s window is present’.”
MedFac To Test Final Year Students’ ‘Words Per Minute’ To Assess Suitability For Internship
“Yeah look, once on my gastro term the consultant asked me to do the notes and instead of ‘patient due discharge’, I mistyped ‘patient die discharge’. Safe to say boss wasn’t happy.”
Med Student Falls in Love With Every Young Intern at Their Hospital
One has to wonder where all these eligible interns come from, since there seems to be little evidence of med students of their calibre. Perhaps it is a stable income and clinical competency that is the crucial missing factor.