By By Thulashigan Sreeharan Doctors at a certain Western Sydney hospital are scratching their heads over the sudden disappearance of several hundred scrubs. Due to the shortage, surgeons have reportedly needed to perform major procedures wearing cooking aprons and lab coats. Jugular reporters interviewed a senior staff member at the hospital.
Fresher’s Rice Purity Score Drops to Negative After MedCamp
BY J.K Lolling On Monday, a day after MedCamp, a horde of first years were seen filtering into Wallace Wurth with croaky voices that regaled outrageous stories of their shared weekend to anyone that would listen. Sagging with absolute exhaustion, the mere mention of MedCamp caused them to perk up
Introducing the all-new AirSteths!
written by JESSICA SAWANG The Littmann Cardiology IV Stethoscope not enough of a flex for you? Tired of how AirPods used to be the ultimate symbol of wealth, but now everyone and their mother has one? Annoyed that you can’t Bluetooth connect your AirPods to your steth? Still want that
Unusually High Spirit Symptoms Plague Med Cohort, Treatment Yet To Be Found
“UNSW’s medical students have returned from the break with uncharacteristically high spirits. MedFac has not yet isolated the causative agent, but they are very anxious to put a stop to it.”
Med Students Petition for 3x Speed in Echo360
“Hundreds of students from all years of the UNSW medical program are gathered around in front of Wallace Wurth, holding a multitude of home-made signs that proclaimed “3x FOR PRESIDENT!”, “2x IS A CRIME” and “THREE’S FOR P’S”, to list a few.”
Tone-deaf Med Student Revolutionises Music With This ONE SIMPLE TRICK
“A first-year medical student with a lifelong fascination with the human body, Lil’ Bobby, as he likes to be called, claims to have developed an entirely novel instrument that will “transform the way we think about sound.””
Study: 92.4% of Med Cohort Reported High Levels of Psychological Distress Following Clinical Allocations
“10 am. 25th July. A singular student collapses in Clancy auditorium. A moment passes, her classmates follow. A wave ripples upwards through the masses as 2nd years everywhere succumb to its effects. What could possibly have caused this? Malaria? The flu? A particularly hard Gibson lecture?”
Phase 1 Student Attempts to Improve Understanding of HMB by Developing Borderline Alcoholism
“In preparation for the second scenario of Health Maintenance B, Mahdrink revealed that he had single-handedly discovered the greatest impetus (in his opinion*) to drink on a more regular basis. The rationale? To enhance his ability to empathise with patients struck by the cruel hand of alcoholism.”
“I didn’t study for EOC, I swear!”, says Med Student
“Characterised by constant interjections of “I’m so screwed, I haven’t studied at all!” into conversations completely unrelated to academics, even when secretly being caught up on most of the content, studies have shown that 1 in 3 medical students suffer from this affliction.”
Periodic Developmental Regression Observed in Med Students
“Every eight weeks, a remarkable transformation takes over the Medicine cohort. Formerly confident, well-rounded individuals seem to regress, forgetting their basic communicative and social skills. Many become capable of only reciting phrases inscribed on Anki cards, reportedly sourced from an entity known as the ‘Anki King’.”
