The Weekly Petri: Brave New World

But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.

Med Fresher Figuring Out How to Slip Her ATAR Into Every Conversation

A cultish obsession as old as time itself piqued the curiosity of the Jugular investigative team and our reporters sampled the experiences of med freshers regarding the stereotypical peacocking exhibited by high achievers of 2018.

Dear Class of 2024

I remember walking around a campus filled with people, yet feeling so alone. I remember sitting in the lecture hall by myself, watching bunches of bright-eyed faces stroll in together, laughing and talking. I remember that hollow feeling when SG would end, and we’d all pack up and leave without wasting a word.

Med Student Graduates Without Making Friends Because Did Not Attend Medcamp

“If only I knew earlier that the Foundies assignment did not count, I would have been able to attend Medcamp and experience what I’ve been missing all these years: the warmth of another human being… I often wonder what that feels like,” said Jarse when questioned, staring longingly at a circle of students congregated on the lawn.

Second Year Student Plans to ‘Study Harder This Year’, Misses First Week of Lectures

“My body just sort of forgets to wake up,” claims Timmy Little, a prime example of the culprits. “Today’s lectures were probably low-yield anyway.”

SportsBet Now Taking Bets For Next NSW Hospital To Be Deregistered

“Does it count as match-fixing if I bully my juniors until the department is stripped of its title?” asked a senior doctor.

Senior Staff Start Bullying Medical Students Since No Junior Doctors Left

When various heads of departments were questioned, The Jugular received remarkably similar responses along the lines of, “back in my day… tougher skins… disappointments… bullying??? Never heard of it.”

The Weekly Petri: Pain, Paint & Frida Kahlo

Kahlo’s life was marred by great suffering- chronic pain, alcoholism, infidelity, physical disability and mental illness were experiences often reflected in her art.

Student Still Not Really Sure What Causes Clubbing

“Look, no-one really knows but it sounds pretty slick when we say ‘Schamroth’s window is present’.”

MedFac To Test Final Year Students’ ‘Words Per Minute’ To Assess Suitability For Internship

“Yeah look, once on my gastro term the consultant asked me to do the notes and instead of ‘patient due discharge’, I mistyped ‘patient die discharge’. Safe to say boss wasn’t happy.”