{"id":1135,"date":"2019-05-06T14:48:50","date_gmt":"2019-05-06T04:48:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thejugular.org\/?p=1135"},"modified":"2026-02-06T00:20:53","modified_gmt":"2026-02-06T00:20:53","slug":"med-student-sells-soul-to-insurance-company-for-sick-water-bottle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/2019\/05\/06\/med-student-sells-soul-to-insurance-company-for-sick-water-bottle\/","title":{"rendered":"Med Student Sells Soul to Insurance Company for \u2018Sick\u2019 Water Bottle"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n \t<\/i> Read Time:<\/span>4 Minute, 9 Second <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n

Written by JESSICA SAWANG (edited by KATERINA THEOCHAROUS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI mean, I figured that because I never gave them my bank details I wouldn\u2019t get roped into anything too <\/em>bad. I only gave them my name, address, date of birth, signature, driver\u2019s license number, fingerprints and a mouth swab – you know, the usual. It\u2019s not much to hand over when you\u2019re given something sick<\/em> in exchange. Look at it, it\u2019s glass!\u201d
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Kent Reed is a first-year medical student, and an attendee at the UNSW Medicine Orientation Day inaugurally covered by Jugular Reporting. When approached by a reporter, he was admiring the free water bottle given to him by a medical insurance company in exchange for his membership.  However, he admitted to not having read the fine print on the small pile of paperwork given along with the bottle, which was found crumpled up at the bottom of a matching canvas tote bag. Kent\u2019s story is not an uncommon one, with 90% of first-year medical students reporting experiences such as finding random leaflets they don\u2019t remember picking up and receiving monthly emails from strange organisations. This year, Jugular Reporting investigates.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Among the thick crowd gathered around the company booths, first-year Moe Knee could be seen juggling a multitude of water bottles, pens and USB fans in his arms. When asked if he had read over the fine print before signing for the freebies, Moe Knee said, \u201cYeah, but they only asked for the rights to my soul and my first-born child. It\u2019s not like I\u2019m going to be left with much of my soul after this six-year degree and my soul has no monetary value as it is, so I might as well profit off of it, right?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When questioned about his lack of concern about handing over the rights to his child for a water bottle that could be bought for less than ten dollars at a retail store, Knee replied, \u201cWell, it might not be very ethical to you<\/em>, but look at it from my perspective. Taking away my first-born child would be a blessing. Children are loud, annoying and useless and they\u2019re usually a mistake. Plus, childcare is so expensive<\/em>\u2026 but you know what\u2019s not expensive? A free water bottle. It\u2019s useful and quiet too.\u201d Knee then put on a pair of sunglasses and strolled purposefully back up to the insurance company\u2019s spokesperson, appearing to try to nab yet another free water bottle under disguise.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Syne Hare, another first-year, was pointing a penlight in her own eyes when the Jugular team approached her.  She denied knowing exactly what organisation she had just signed up for but was eager to demonstrate the freebies they had provided  \u201cNo, but look at what they gave us! It\u2019s literally a pen torch<\/em>, it\u2019s a pen that actually has a torch on the back of it, how cool is that?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On investigation of her paperwork, Hare found, in small print, \u2018if your liver is not handed over willingly, necessary force will be used\u2019. \u201cOh, they only wanted my liver, no biggie. They can have it but really, it\u2019s their loss. I don\u2019t think my liver would even sell for five cents on the black market after all that post-HSC partying. At least they aren\u2019t asking for a monthly fee \u2013 I\u2019d really be panicking if they asked me for that.\u201d
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Professors interviewed regarding the contents of this report express concern, but not surprise. \u201cWhy do you think we have lectures on critical thinking in the Medical course?\u201d Dr Romson said. \u201cWe realised fairly early just how little situational awareness the incoming medical students had.\u201d Dr Borda agrees, stating that ethical opinions such as Moe Knee\u2019s underpin several topics of UNSW Medical Ethics teaching and are best viewed through the consequentialist perspective.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On leaving the Expo, Jugular Reporting again encountered Kent Reed, this time squinting at an information pamphlet. \u201c\u2018By signing these forms and accepting the complimentary water bottle, I have officially handed over the rights to my\u2026 soul? Please note that this contract is unable to be terminated under any circumstances.\u2019 Oh no, what have I done.\u201d Reed was last seen with his head buried in his hands and his pile of freebies lying abandoned at his feet. Anonymous sources claim he has transferred to Law, seeking to gain the experience and critical reading skills required to either find a loophole in his contract or sue the company that wrote it.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

** Jugular Reporting would like to respond to allegations that Syne Hare\u2019s free pen torch was deliberately broken by a reporter, who slapped it out of Hare\u2019s hands after it was shone directly into the reporter\u2019s eyes. Her abrupt reaction was due to photosensitivity, caused by her essentially living in the bowels of Wallace Wurth (Lower Ground). Profuse apologies are extended.
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\u201cI mean, I figured that because I never gave them my bank details I wouldn\u2019t get roped into anything too bad. I only gave them my name, address, date of birth, signature, driver\u2019s license number, fingerprints and a mouth swab – you know, the usual. It\u2019s not much to hand over when you\u2019re given something sick in exchange. Look at it, it\u2019s glass!\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1132,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,11],"tags":[19],"class_list":["post-1135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humour","category-satire","tag-featured"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1135"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1135\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5758,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1135\/revisions\/5758"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1132"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jugular.org.au\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}